Harmless Little Joke?
by hanika.starzone
Summary: Temari has returned to Konoha to prepare for the Chunnin exams- and she, Tsunade and Shizune decide to pull a little joke on Shikamaru. Then Tsunade decides to pull her own little joke on Shikamaru and Temari. Doesn't make sense. I suck at summs xx


She arrived at the gates of Konohagakure. And sighed.

_Late again_, she thought.

Then in the distance, she saw the pineapple head. She smirked. _About time. _She thought to herself again.

"Hey, Temari. Sorry I'm-"

"Late," she finished for him. She was tempted to get her fan and hit him on the head. "Overslept or-"

"Duty called," Shikamaru said.

Temari looked at him head to toe for a while. Then she gave him a weird look. "What?" he asked.

"You were running,"

"Yes I was actually… so?"

"You were running," Temari said breathlessly.

"So…?"

"OH MY GOODNESS! YOU WERE RUNNING!" Temari said in a half-shriek.

"And…?"

"You only RUN ON MISSIONS!"

"I was late, and scared you and Tsunade-sama were gonna kill me, what do you expect? Anyway this IS a mission."

"I don't know, you walking slowly and coming up with some genius excuse with this thing up here, and this mission doesn't count," she pointed to her head.

"Eh, does this really matter?"

"Maybe,"

"I've never seen you like this, can I yell at you like you're yelling at me?"

"Hell no, I'm the three year older jonnin Suna ambassador, you're the three years younger chunnin Konoha escort. I yell at you as I please."

Shikamaru grunted. "Fine. You wanna stay out here yelling at me all day or you wanna head down to the Hokage's office and start getting some work done?"

"Uh… let's go then," then she turned back into her usual Temari-around-Shikamaru mode.

"_Troublesome woman_" Shikamaru muttered under his breath.

"Anything new happen in Konoha?" Temari asked.

"Not really, no. Suna?"

"As hot as ever,"

"OI! SHIKAMARU!" Naruto shouted from afar. He waved and came running towards them. "Are you on another date with Temari?" he asked with a sly grin.

"I'm her escort, we're not dating," Shikamaru replied with a slight annoyance in his voice.

"Well, if ya say so, I'm on my way to see Hinata and the others. Bye!" Naruto gave them a little wave and took of sprinting.

Temari was lost in her head, asking herself what would happen if she a Shikamaru WERE dating.

"Oi, Temari," Shikamaru said, while waving his hand in front of Temari's face. She didn't realize it, but they had resumed their walk to the Hokage's office. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Uh… no, sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked you if you would like to come over to my house for dinner,"

Temari looked at him, stunned. _Am I blushing? Holy shit, I think I am. Uh… cool down sister! Uh… uh…. Accept it or not? Accept it or not?_ _Damn it! Answer bitch!_

"Great! Uh… actually, my mom had invited you. Don't ask me why. Hey, I'll drop you of at the office and you get some work started first, will ya? I'll rush back home and tell my mom you accepted her invitation,"

"Um… OK, why'd your mom ask me?" Temari replied, obviously not hearing the part where he told her not to ask why. _I accepted? Holy shit, I ACCEPTED!_

Shikamaru dropped Temari of at Tsunade's office and sprinted home. Temari turned pale. She turned to Tsunade. "Does he always run that fast?" she asked. Tsunade was wearing a shocked face too. "No…"

"…KONOHA'S GENIUS IS RUNNING! RING THE SIRENS, SHIZUNE!"

"…" -Shizune

"OKAA-SAN!" shouted Shikamaru from the door "She accepted the invitation. Oh yeah, why'd you invite her?"

"Oi, Shikamaru! Don't shout from the door will you? Would it hurt to take of your shoes, come into the kitchen and tell me, wait… she accepted the invitation? Excellent!" Yoshino smiled and took her hands of her ears.

"Why'd you invite her?"

"Something wrong?" Yoshino fired back, temper returning.

Shikamaru grunted "No… she asked,"

"Oh… uh... say I'm just being nice," Yoshino's smile returned and temper was retreating.

"Fine," Shikamaru replied. _Troublesome woman_…

Of course, that wasn't the actual reason. Lately, while she was cleaning her son's room she found his … ***flashback***

_This room is a complete mess! _Yoshino thought to herself as she passed Shikamaru's room.

She entered the room in utter disgust. _How can he walk through such a mess? Last time I was here, it was so empty! How'd it become such a MESS? _She thought, picking up a dirty sock and a few dirty clothes.

"Ugh!" she said sticking her tongue out, holding the sock away. _Where's the other one? _She rampaged through a few dirty clothes and found it.

_It's dirtier than the other one!_ She was thinking of giving her son a lecture on cleanliness when she noticed a book where she picked up the sock.

_A diary? _She thought, picking up the book. Then she put it back exactly how she found it. _It's probably gonna be about troublesome days… _she thought to herself. Then grinned.

_If everything was so troublesome, why write?_ And she picked it up again. _Flip. First page. _

She read through the whole entry. And the next. And the one after that.

_Good God! Temari in this one…. She's in this one too… Holy! This one's all about her too! She's the Suna ambassador isn't she? The one Shikamaru's been escorting? Wait… wait a minute… 'I just wish I could tell her I like her! But it'd be too troublesome…wouldn't it?' _she frowned. Too scared to tell her? She sighed.

"What are you doing?" asked a voice behind her.

Yoshino turned around in shock._ Thank God it isn't Shikamaru! _She thought. "Shikaku, look at this!" she shrieked to her husband.

He took the book from her grasp and flipped the pages slowly. Yoshino was getting impatient. Then he turned them quicker… "I don't believe it!" Shikaku half-yelled.

"Well it's true! See, it's his handwriting. We better discuss this quickly before he gets home."

"Tsunade sent him on a three-day mission, don't you remember? He just went yesterday, we got plenty of time to discuss."

"OKAA-SAN! OTOU-SAN! I'M HOME!" shouted Shikamaru from the door.

Shikaku and Yoshino looked at each other in alarm. "Shit," they both said breathlessly at once. Yoshino grabbed the book and put it back where she found it. And all the other clothes too.

So they walked casually to him and pretended none of it ever happened. Then that night it was all whispers on the table. Shikamaru looked at them, one eyebrow raised and whispered to them, _"Whatcha guys whispering 'bout?"_

"Nothing," Shikaku and Yoshino answered in unison. "So how was your mission?" again in unison.

Shikamaru looked at them weird and told them about it. And this has happened for quite a few nights.

***flashback over***

When Shikamaru got back to the office, he saw Temari help Shizune help Tsunade speed up her work.

"Uh… I'm back?" he said. It sounded like a question to them rather than a fact. They all stopped doing whatever they were doing and turned to him.

Sweat.

Sweat.

Sweat…

"HOLY GOD HE'S SWEATING!" Temari dropped her papers and herself to the floor and started sweating herself. Tsunade threw herself back in her chair. Shizune turned pale. Even Tonton oinked.

"SHIZUNE THE SIRENS!" Tsunade ordered.

Shizune was already sprinting towards the topmost control tower.

Now Shikamaru was sweating again. This time it was cold sweat. "Wait Shizune-san!" he called and took of sprinting again.

He finally caught up with her and he noticed she was…. _LAUGHING._ "Wait a minute…" Shikamaru said, turning pale. He took off sprinting back to the Hokage's office and…

Temari was rolling on the floor. Tsunade's table was a wreck. She was nearly punching a hole in the floor.

"Wait so… this was all a … JOKE?" he screamed.

"Oh the joy of seeing you sweat…" Tsunade was wiping a tear of laughter. "…and angry," Tsunade was still laughing. Temari had stopped, though. _Troublesome women…_ he thought to himself. Shikamaru was glad SHE wasn't laughing anymore. Then he realized something. She was breathing hard.

"Tsunade…" he started "I've heard of dying of laughter, but I never really took it literally and uh… Temari?"

Tsunade looked up. "Temari…?"

She was crawling towards Temari.

"CALL SHIZUNE BACK!" Tsunade ordered once again. Once again he took off running. Faster than ever that day.

"Hold on, Temari," Tsunade said, she was already using her healing jutsu on her. "That should do the trick," Tsunade lifted her hands off, satisfied. Temari wasn't dying of anything serious like Naruto, so it was easy. But she started to panic a little when Temari wasn't getting up. Her heart was beating again though. She opened her eyes. Scanned the room and…

"Shhh…." She said, putting a finger to her mouth. And played dead again_. She's damn good at this… _Tsunade thought to herself.

"Temari?" called Shizune from the door. "Shikamaru!" called Tsunade. "She won't get up. You're required to give her CPR,"

"Wait, what? Couldn't you give it?" he asked, shocked. _Wait a minute… _Temari thought.

"Do you want to save a life or not?"

"Well yes but…"

"NO BUTS! THIS IS A HOKAGE'S ORDER!"

Shikamaru grunted and kneeled down beside Temari. _No wait a minute this wasn't part of the joke! _Temari had really lost her breath just now. But this was meant to be a joke. To see Shikamaru panic. And maybe go crazy. That would've been hilarious! But she had even signaled to Tsunade to say she was just _pretending_ to be dead. Now she was really losing her breath. _Oh no…_

Shikamaru leaned down to Temari's mouth. _This feels awkward,_ he thought. He hesitated for a while. He closed his eyes. As much as he liked Temari, he didn't really like the feeling of giving her CPR…. which felt a lot like kissing. His mouth was already against hers and he couldn't breathe either. How was he going to give her CPR if he was suffering from oxygen deprivation as well? But he couldn't get up to get some air himself. He was just stuck there. Kissing her.

Tsunade was grinning at the sight. Shizune turned pale. _Surely this must be someone else, _she thought. She was going to pat Shikamaru on the shoulder when Tsunade held her hand up. "No," she said "He's in love with the girl. Let them be," Shizune gave her a weird look and thought to herself, _I can't decide on whether she's being sincere about that sentence or if she's just being horny_. Shikamaru didn't hear them. That was for sure.

Temari returned the kiss. They sat there, well, sat there and laid down there for about 2 seconds. Then they opened their eyes. And…

"Blegh!" they shouted at once and stuck out their tongues. Temari was spluttering. Then they looked at each other. Then fainted. Shizune and Tsunade laughed.

Tsunade and Shizune left them there. They didn't bother to move them. It was only three hours later when Shizune tripped on them did they wake up.

Temari woke up first; when she felt Shizune's high-heeled shoes sharp toes hit her sides. Shikamaru woke up when she landed on both of them. Temari helped Shizune up.

"Sorry," Shizune apologized.

"Why didn't you guys wake us up?" Temari asked.

Tsunade smirked. "It was kinda cool watching you guys sleep on the floor." Shikamaru turned red. Temari blushed a little, because, well, it wasn't her thing to blush like Hinata…

"Mmm… what time is it?" Temari asked, just to break the silence.

"Six thirty" Shizune answered.

"Shit! Ah… Tsunade-sama, my mom had invited Temari over for dinner and the last time I was late with someone she asked to come over with from dinner…"

"Why go ahead then… we don't mind," Tsunade smiled as she said that.

"Uh… OK, thanks…" and with that he and Temari walked out.

Shizune watched them leave the room. "You think she'll need an extra day here? Because I checked all the inns and inn she's staying in now is kinda full for an extra day…"

Tsunade grinned. "Then she can stay with the Naras'"

"…" _She really is horny._

**A/N: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASEL. SHIKATEMA YAY ~ :D **

**Shikamaru: *spluttering***

**Temari: Should we help him? **

**Me: Nah…. *chews on salmon***

**Temari: Oh OK… *eats rice***

**BOU (Both of Us): R&R!**

**Shikamaru: Oh yeah Mitsu doesn't own Naruto or any of its characters! *still spluttering***


End file.
